Couples Counseling
Couples Counseling.
There it is. Two simple words, but when put together, their impact is immense. Those of you reading this are either 1) considering couples counseling because its your last hope or 2) you’ve tried couples counseling and it didn’t work.
You have probably heard of the singer P!nk, and when I think about the trials and tribulations of a relationship- I think about these lyrics
Just give me a reason, just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent, and we can learn to love again…
For many of us, we just want a reason. Why did he cheat? Why did he lie? Why can’t we get along?
Why won’t he open up?
There are so many reasons that we have a hard time understanding our partners. We are searching for answers, for reasons, for some sort of understanding as to what the hell is going on in our relationships. When we try to communicate, it can either trigger or fight or a complete shut down.
Couples counseling is a great option for some. There are many couples who benefit from a neutral party hearing out both sides and providing action steps on how to relate to one another better. However, what happens when there are obstacles in your way? What do you do when couples counseling fails?
There are 3 main reasons why couples therapy might not work for you.
1. Your partner refuses to go
This is a big reason!!! There are many relationships where one partner refuses to go to therapy. They may think it won’t work. They might be embarrassed. They might not want to air out their “dirty laundry” to a complete stranger. They may be tired of hashing out old arguments. Whatever the reason they decide they don’t want to go, this often hurts the other partner’s feelings. It makes it seem like they’ve given up or worse- they don’t even care. So what are you supposed to do when you feel like you are the only one putting in the effort? I’ll help you out with this in just a bit- keep reading ;)
2. Your partner won’t open up to you to your therapist
It can be hard to get vulnerable. That’s why you’re giving counseling a try in the first place- you’re having issues with exactly that. We think that therapy will help because if our partner won’t open up to us, we can provide them with a safe place to do that in. But lets’s look at the opposite end of that coin shall we? We have now invited them in to a strange place, with a strange person, into a situation that feels- you guessed it… STRANGE! Therapy can take a TON of time to get comfortable with your counselor and comfortable with the situation to feel safe enough to express what you’re really feeling. For some, they don’t have that much time. For some, that don’t have the finances. Counseling can become expensive and isn’t covered under most insurance plans. This can feel like an enormous amount of pressure to get things figured out quickly. Pressure = shutting down. You’re left with now answers and no progress.
3. You feel like only your partner is the problem
If he could change (insert any bad trait here), we could be happy. Once (bad trait) is gone, we can be happy again. This reason right here is why couples counseling miserably failed for me. We went several times and only addressed my husband’s “bad behavior”. If there was a gold star or trophy for “winning” therapy- I would have received it. My therapist was great at shining a light at all of my husbands problems and I felt vindicated for it. It felt great- until it didn’t fix my problems. So what, my counselor sided with me. My husband was then totally humiliated, felt like he was a worthless POS, and stopped communicating altogether because “why bother?” I never looked at myself in any of this. I never tried to get to the root of the real problem. I took blame for nothing, and it got me nowhere. We made zero progress other than inflating my ego. So I had to ask myself… do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?
Shortly after we had our last therapy session, I found Human Design. Human Design is a personality assessment that only uses your birth information. Its like Myers Briggs on crack! Here’s the difference- there are no questions to answer and the information you receive is so accurate its scary! Once you put your birth information in- you receive a chart that you’ve probably never seen before. It will look something like this:
If you’ve ever heard of the Chakra system or Astrology, Human Design is based off of those systems (and then some!) Are curious about what your chart looks like? Of course you are! I’m telling you that there’s a human blueprint that breaks down the reason for why you do everything! Most websites give you a free copy of your chart. It’s cool-looking, but it doesn’t help much. I like to go a step further by providing you with information on what your blue-print looks like, what the heck all of it actually means, and how you can start using this information right way. You can sign up for that right here.
But you came here to learn about other alternative to couples counseling. So how does Human Design help you with your relationship? Well- I’m so glad you asked! One cool thing that you can do with Human Design, is combine charts together to see how you and your partner energetically relate to one another. It looks a little something like this:
I know this looks like a bunch of mumbo- jumbo you’ve never seen before. And that’s OK. That’s where having a certified Human Design Specialist can help. Whether your partner has shut down and won’t go to therapy, or you’ve tried therapy and are out of ideas- Human Design can help.
Human Design relationship sessions allow you to understand your partner better and faster than couples counseling ever could.
Wow, that’s a bold statement Brittany. Yes it is, and I feel totally confident making that statement because I’ve helped SO many couples (including myself!) understand their partners and help elevate their relationships because of Human Design. I can give you answers, I can give you a reason why, I can help you meet your partner where he’s at. I can look at your relationship at its best and highest good.
Often times couples go into counseling thinking that the other person will change. We try to fix them, change them, guide them on how their behavior upsets us- but we reach a point where it isn’t working and we are just freaking exhausted. If you want to quickly make progress in you relationship- you can book a session with me here. Sometimes all we need is a relationship cheerleader who never gives up.
Much love to you,
xo