MARRIAGE COMPATIBILITY WITH YOUR PARTNER IS POSSIBLE
Marriage compatibility with your partner isn't something that you have or don't have. There are ways to create more compatibility between you and your partner if you feel like this is something that's been lost.
I’ve been there.
That can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, World Series kinda love (any It Takes Two fans?!).
When I first met my partner, we were so head over heels in love and so compatible that I knew he was THE one. Fast forward 10 years later and the things that drove me crazy about my partner, well, ended up driving me crazy!
I began to think that our marriage was no longer compatible. That what we once had was no longer possible. I’ve spent my fair share of time wondering “What the hell is going on inside of your head?” to my husband. Truth bomb time. Relationships are super freaking hard. (I’m so insightful, right?!) You find yourself fighting over the stupidest things sometimes.
My partner and I tried ALL of the things to make our marriage more compatible again (couples counseling, date nights, church, and intentional communication) but nothing worked.
It would put a Band-Aid over our problems, but the wound would never heal.
We were on a different page, in a different book, in a different library, on opposite ends of the earth. He was bitter, I was resentful. Nobody was willing to put their sword down. Our marriage compatibility went down the drain and so did our hopes!
Well there's good news. Marriage compatibility isn't set in stone. It's not a "you have it or your don't kind of situation." You can work on becoming more compatible with your partner. This is where Human Design can help!
HOW HUMAN DESIGN HELPED OUR MARRIAGE COMPATIBILITY IMPROVE
It wasn’t until I found Human Design that things shifted in our relationship and my marriage compatibility with my partner significantly improved. Human Design is like the Myers Briggs test on crack! Unlike any other personality test, this one involves ZERO questions. That’s right. This personality assessment gets to the core of who you really are based on just your birthday. Similar to astrology and the Chakra system, it lays out a blue-print of how you best make decisions, manage your energy, communicate, and the list goes on and on.
When I first uncovered the Human Design system, I wanted to know ALL about my husband. In my mind, he was bossy, bitter, and gave me advice that I didn’t want or need. I discovered that the reason he was so bitter was because his design type allowed him to be a good leader and guide. However, if others didn’t ask for his advice, it comes across as pushy. As soon as I realized this, I started asking him for his advice whether I needed it or not. It helped him feel valued and appreciated. I didn’t always take his advice, but he at least was able to give it without me getting angry at him for being pushy.
These shifts were huge for us in our relationship and making us more compatible with each other. The more I was able to love and appreciate him for who he was, rather than trying to fix or change him, the better our relationship was.
Below I am going to list the top five subjects to think about when trying to understand your partner better. These are listed in no particular order.
1. HE’S EMBARRASSED
Your partner comes home late or forgets to tell you about a late night work meeting. He has to stay late and can’t pick up the kids (this is a huge one for me). Understanding your partner sometimes causes you to uncover hidden motivations. He doesn’t hold your hand in public because maybe it’s embarrassing him.
This might seem weird to you, but embarrassment leads to a lot of (what we think are) crazy behaviors. He works hard because he doesn’t ever want you to be embarrassed of him. He asks you to pick up the kids because he’s embarrassed to tell his boss he can’t stay and work late. Whatever the reason for his embarrassment, meeting him half-way to understand what he’s thinking (because he’s probably too embarrassed to tell you) will get you one step closer to understanding your partner better.
2. HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY
Communication can come over as explosive or it can shut down completely. Something that I’ve learned over the years, having experienced both scenarios, is that the old adage “never go to bed angry” isn’t always the best piece of advice.
If you want to understand your partner better, observe how your partner communicates during a fight. Is he explosive? Is he quiet? Does he shut down or get mad? Sometimes he just needs space. If you put pressure on him to speak, it can lead to him saying things he doesn’t mean just so that he has something to say. This can also go the opposite way and it feels like way too much pressure to say the right thing. So he chooses not to speak at all so that he won’t say the wrong thing. My best piece of advice would be to give each other some space and come back once your “jets have cooled”.
3. HE DOESN’T FEEL APPRECIATED
This is a big one for me. My husband NEEDS to feel appreciated. He wants recognition for taking out the trash, picking up the kids, picking up groceries, you name it. This used to infuriate me. He does something one time and wants me to throw a party? I’d get resentful! Where is my appreciation?!
Instead of letting it get to me, I tried to shift my perspective. I was the one who really didn’t need the recognition, but if this is something that’s important to him- then that’s really not asking that much. So I tried it. “Thanks for picking the kids up today.” “I appreciate you doing the dishes.” “Picking up the groceries today really made my day.” It made him feel seen and heard. The more I recognized him and showed my appreciation, the more apt he was to do these things without being asked. It was a game-changer. And it was something SO simple. The next time your partner does (or maybe doesn’t) do something; maybe show them a little love for the things that they ARE doing.
4. HE FEELS YOUR JUDGEMENT
Have you ever said, “If I want something done right, I’ll have to do it myself”? Whether or not you’re telling him this out loud or not, he feels your judgment. This is met with a “damned if I do, dammed if I don’t” retaliation. OK, so the kids clothes don’t match and its school picture day. This will give you something to look back on and laugh at one day. The point is, he tried and probably didn’t even realize his lack of coordinating color schemes would piss you off. But you can bet he can feel your judgement once it happens.
Putting all of your happiness in his hands is a TON of pressure. I used to do this with my birthday and expect my partner to pull out all the stops to make me happy. He could have done 99 things right, but the 1 thing he got wrong I would focus on. Then, he would feel my judgement and he stopped trying altogether. These days, I release my expectations and know that whatever happens, it’s not his job to make me happy.
5. KNOW HIS HUMAN DESIGN TYPE
Everyone is different. This is absolutely true. I know I said these 5 tips aren’t in any particular order, but if I had to pick one to start implementing right away- this would be the biggest takeaway! Do you want to regain marriage compatibility with your partner? Is understanding your partner better important to you? Then know his Human Design type. This was the only way I could truly relate to where my husband was coming from, how to communicate with him, and how to make him feel special.
My partner's design type is a Projector, his energy is totally different than mine. I used to get mad at him for taking naps during the day. Where was my nap? Turns out- his energy is totally different than mine. Because of that, we now have a system that works. He lets me sleep in on the weekends when the kids get up early. Then when he hits his mid-afternoon slump- I’ll take over so that he can recharge. Problem solved. It was only through Human Design that I was able to recognize his needs, and stop trying to change him.
HUMAN DESIGN CAN HELP YOUR RELATIONSHIP TOO
If you want to learn more about you or your partner’s Human Design type, you can snag a copy of your FREE Human Design report here. Your report will include a copy of how your energy works, how to read your chart, and how to implement the strategies of your specific Human Design Type right away.
Relationship Human Design readings are my jam! I love to combine Human Design charts and focus on the highest aspect of what the relationship can look like. Human Design can help support your relationship goals, desires, and mutual growth in ways that couples counseling could never accomplish. Feel free to schedule a call and find out how Human Design can elevate your relationship to the next level.
Much love to you,
xo