How To Fall In Love With Yourself

Some of you may read this and be instantly triggered ( me,me me! I have both hands up! )

Are we allowed to be in love with ourselves? Isn’t that a selfish thing to do? I used to think that way… until I lost myself. I lost all of me. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I knew I was a wife, a mother, a daughter. But these words were all titles. If I stripped myself of all the titles- deep down, who the hell was I?

I didn’t have a fucking clue. Not one.

If I wasn’t a mom anymore, if I wasn’t a wife… if everything I had disappeared in a blink of an eye- then who was Brittany? I couldn’t answer this question. And it bothered me. Like, kept me up at night bothered me.

Who am I?

I started soul searching. I read books. I read blogs. I listened to podcasts. I was grasping for clarity. But I still didn’t have any answers. I’m going to get a little vulnerable here. I HAVE to do this because I know that in my heart of hearts, there is someone else going through this same struggle. Is it you? Have you forgotten who you are? I think of the Lion King when Mufasa asks Simba this very same question. I think of this because, well… I am a mom and I can probably recite the movie line by line at this point. But it is a GREAT question. ( Thank you DISNEY! )

I’m going to give you a little back story here. I was a people-pleaser all my life (still am to a certain degree). But I’ve always questioned my lovability. My parents did love me, but I always felt like there was a quality about me that I had to prove myself so that others could love me. I never knew why.

I was a straight-A kid, always followed the rules, and never wanted to disappoint anyone. Things quickly changed when I had to tell my parents that I was pregnant at 17. That didn’t stop me from fighting for the things that were important. As a single mom, I earned my degree from college and was able to make something of myself though the odds were stacked against me.  I married someone who (despite me thinking it didn’t exist in another person), embraced myself and my daughter as a package deal.  I went on to have two more little girls.

After the birth of my 3rd child is when being a working mom led me to ponder the question: who am I? I felt it exhausting to be so many things to so many people. I had lost myself. I was unhappy. Which made me even more disgusted with myself? I was so judgmental. Why was I so unhappy when I seemingly “had it all”? I started hating myself. I hated the extra baby weight, I hated how tired I was all the time, I hated feeling like a bad mom, I hated feeling like a bad wife, I hated that I couldn’t keep a clean house, I hated my hair. I hated… I hated… I hated.

And then… I got tired of hating. Where else was there to go from here?

It wasn’t until a friend of mine introduced me to Human Design that I started falling in love with myself again. What is Human Design? It’s a personality test, like Myers–Briggs, but on crack! You don’t have to answer any questions, you simply use your birth information. You put in your information, and it gives you a blueprint that will look similar to this:

I started asking so many questions. I wanted to learn everything about it! So I started reading and bought ALL of the books I could get my hands on! I even got certified as a Human Design Specialist because I HAD to keep learning more! The more I read about my chart, the more accurate (and mind-blowing) my chart became! All of this from just my birthday?! It was so cool!!!

All of the things I thought were detriments to my personality, were actually strengths in disguise. In Human Design, I have Gate 63 (present in the top triangle of the chart above) which is the Gate of Doubt. I’ve lived my whole life thinking that doubt is a bad thing. When if fact, doubt can actually be a really good thing. For example, doubting information leads me to inquire about information. Inquiry leads me to the truth. I get to the bottom of things, I don’t just take someone for their word “just because”.

Do you want to truly fall in love with yourself all over again? Then you need to have your Human Design chart. You can grab a copy of your free blueprint from me. I feel strongly that everyone needs to love and understand who they are in this world. You deserve to be unapologetically you. When you stop trying to fix yourself- that’s when you start falling in love with yourself.

Call it confidence, courage, tenacity- whatever you want to call it. But falling in love with yourself is sexy, its seductive, and it’s contagious! If I could give my daughters one gift in this world, it would be for them to love themselves unconditionally. If you had a cheat-sheet for how to live out your life in order to encounter the least amount of resistance- wouldn’t you use it?!

The answer is yes. Scratch that. The answer is hell yeah! That’s the beauty of Human Design. Instead of trying fix yourself, you see yourself through a brand new lens- the lens of love. This may sound corny, but falling in love with yourself is the best thing to do for your self esteem. There isn’t anything wrong with you my love. Quite the contrary. You are incredible just the way you are.

If you need a little help uncovering the truth and beauty of who you really are- I’d be happy to help. This is what I was born to do! You are more than just a mom, or wife, or whatever title you find yourself consumed in at this moment.  Let me help you discover yourself again. That fearless girl is calling, and it’s about damn time you picked up the phone!

Much love to you,

xo